i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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