I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
