I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
