I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
wow bdsm is so cute
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
