She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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