Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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