when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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