get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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