His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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