Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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