R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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