Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
