my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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