If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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