If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
