i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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