my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
