Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
