i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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