Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
