she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
