K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
