She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
