dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
