my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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