who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
