I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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