I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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