I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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