okay pat passed out under dana's car
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We just shotgunned beers for America
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
