idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize