If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
