Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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