I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
