ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
