so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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