i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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