I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
