I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
