Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
