Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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