Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
