i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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