im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
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