How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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