Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
