sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
