Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
