are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
