she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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