I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
