what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
