road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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