Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
