dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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