That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
