hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
