I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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