1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
