so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
