It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
