I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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