omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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