At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You are the jesus of drinking
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
