I'm gonna have a badass scar
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
