Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
