She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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