She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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