I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
