Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
