i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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