I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You left your phone here
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