WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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