i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
