You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
