ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
