Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.

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(412): The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN. http://tfl.nu/72t6

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(816): View more from Missouri

if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.

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(816): if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin. http://tfl.nu/cu5c

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(646): View more from New York

You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....

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(646): You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing.... http://tfl.nu/xrxl

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(325): View more from Texas

just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?

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(325): just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish? http://tfl.nu/2ysn

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(219): View more from Indiana

i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

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(219): i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her http://tfl.nu/s6o1

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(214): View more from Texas

bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.

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(214): bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in. http://tfl.nu/k2ap

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(616): View more from Michigan

We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.

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(616): We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks. http://tfl.nu/giz7

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(815): View more from Illinois

i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.

(1-815): View more from Illinois

you need to get laid.. and an oil change.

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(815): i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since. (1-815): you need to get laid.. and an oil change. http://tfl.nu/z8d3

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

My face left an imprint in the loaf...

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(215): I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning (215): My face left an imprint in the loaf... http://tfl.nu/s8i8

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(619): View more from California

I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.

(1-619): View more from California

Very innocently.

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(619): I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend. (1-619): Very innocently. http://tfl.nu/o8xf

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(912): View more from Georgia

It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school

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(912): It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school http://tfl.nu/xr6r

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(407): View more from Florida

Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.

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(407): Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out. http://tfl.nu/ykxn

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(410): View more from Maryland

Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...

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(410): Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend... http://tfl.nu/j7kv

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(613): View more from Ontario

I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.

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(613): I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone. http://tfl.nu/7z2d

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(775): View more from Nevada

Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.

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(775): Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo. http://tfl.nu/p835

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