he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I did not marry a roomba.
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