You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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