so explain again why im purple
no
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize