Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm having to shit out rocks
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